As a kind of follow up to my Post-It Note Prayer post, I almost did a similar thing last night. But for whatever reason, I felt as though God wanted me to learn something different. This time, He asked me to just sit in it, just sit in the mess. No categories. No lists. Just mess. Sometimes I think I pray so that I feel like I have some sort of control over my situations. Maybe this is common. In order for some sense of control, we pray to a being whom we think we can manipulate or at least a being who does hear our every cry. The latter part of that I believe to be true, though the heart behind the former is wrong. “I don’t pray to change God; I pray to change myself,” writes C.S. Lewis. I’ve held onto this phrase ever since I first heard it, writing it in the front page of my first student Bible. But have I lived this way? Is this how I pray?
I want to pray this way. I ask God to change me. Yet sometimes I try just as hard to change myself, rather than surrendering that control to the Creator.
(I also try hard to write deep and insightful blog posts. And though my mind is going a million miles an hour, I’m struggling to put thoughts into words. It’s actually quite frustrating; thanks for bearing with me.)