Restless.

I figure I’ll never be perfectly content where I am.  Is this true?  In my understanding, and in my experience, there will always be something missing and there will always be someone I will miss.  This longing is a built in arrow pointed straight for God — this world isn’t perfect and it isn’t now it was intended to be (yet God knew exactly what would happen).  Basically, this isn’t it.  This life, this pattern, this “daily grind,” if you will, isn’t the ultimate and it never will be.   And yet, my heart continues to long for “the next thing.”  Sometimes it’s travel, sometimes it’s marriage, sometimes it’s being at 100% support – many times it’s all three at once.  Right now (the catalyst longing which impelled me to write this post) is the desire to be at 100% support and be “in the field” doing what my job description says to do.  This comes from a desire to be somewhat stable and to not have constraints on what I can and cannot do.  I am excited to have a place of my own with a car of my own (in my own name!) and to have friends to “my place” for a meal or coffee or tea.  I know, I know, I don’t want to take for granted what I have now, but I must admit there is a certain lure to the future when I’m in such a transition right now. I guess I’m just restless.

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