I tried to pray, I really did. My thoughts seems to clutter my mind so that it looked like the floor of my sister’s bedroom. Focus seemed futile.
“Grab the post-it notes. And a sharpie.”
I know that God doesn’t speak in an audible voice, at least not to me. But sometimes, I can sense His voice directing me. This seemed to me one of those times. I reached for the post-it notes which laid on my desk and took a black sharpie from my cup. I sat on my chair and looked down onto the empty floor. Recently, cleaning my own space has given me great satisfaction – some form of control over what is mine and mine alone. At least, for now.
“What’s on your mind? Write it down.”
I knew where this was going. A visual to the chaos in my mind. I knew what to write on the first post-it note. “Jagoda.” My friend who was killed last year, with her birthday tomorrow, my grief is heavy on my heart.
“Throw the note down and keep going.”
I peeled the post-it note off of the pile and placed it on the bare carpet. The next notes came easily as well: “support raising,” “needing a car,” “Christmas and no money,” the list went on and on until my floor was cluttered with over twenty pink pieces of paper. When I was finished, I sat still in my chair and surveyed my mess. My eyes darted back and forth to each one and as my thoughts wandered to the implications, troubles, and frustrations with each one, my anxiety rose. “I don’t know what to do, Lord.”
“Grab one. Tell me about it.”
I looked over the bunch again. “I don’t want to. I don’t want to think about it.” But that’s what I’d been doing. I’d been thinking about them en masse rather than individually. This has been overwhelming. I looked over them individually now, not knowing where to begin and not knowing which would be the “easiest” to talk to the Lord about. I reached for the first post-it note I had written and I held it in my hand. I got down on the floor and sat among the sea of pink and I prayed about what weighed heavy on my heart about the loss of my friend.
“Now, put it aside.”
I put the slip of paper behind me. I began to do the same thing with each of the post-it notes: pick one up, talk to God about the burden my heart and mind were carrying, and put it behind me – stuck on top of the one before it. Some were harder than others and some took more time than others. As I was praying, I even made some more post-it notes because of other things I thought of. I prayed about those too.
When I had finished, the floor before me was empty and my heart was lighter. Behind me now sat a thick stack of pink post-it notes. What do I do with these? I stood up and walked toward the trash can. I threw the stack into the bin with a sigh of relief – my worries are gone! But something did not feel right about this action. Carefully, I picked them back out of the trash. I turned around and spotted my Bible by the table and walked toward it. Opening up my Bible to the very end, I placed the stack of post-it notes into the back cover. “My worries are not gone; they are in the hands of He who makes order from chaos.”
Later as I went about my day, a thought would creep into my mind – a worry, one that I had written down on a small piece of pink paper. I would quickly remember where that worry now was: in the control of the Word Himself.